HAVE A VERY SCROOGE CHRISTMAS
May fleas infest your mistletoe.
May sparks and flares your Yule Log throw.
And may each needle on your tree
Just dry and drop right on your glee.
May Christmas stockings come unwound,
May carols make a scratchy sound,
May all your Christmas cards be late:
For hoped-for gifts I hope you wait!
May Christmas cookies burn and chip,
And those that don't can burn your lip;
And let your Christmas cheer turn glum
As Christmas guests drink ALL your rum.
When Santa down your chimney drops
Why, half way down, I hope he stops,
And when he's stuck, I hope he shrieks
And decks your nerves for weeks and weeks,
And after Santa chars his ass
Find reindeer doodoo on your grass!
And then agreement I shall hear
That Christmas comes but once a year.
Copyright © 1976 by Patrick O’Hayer