HAVE A VERY SCROOGE CHRISTMAS

May fleas infest your mistletoe.

May sparks and flares your Yule Log throw.

And may each needle on your tree

Just dry and drop right on your glee.

May Christmas stockings come unwound,

May carols make a scratchy sound,

May all your Christmas cards be late:

For hoped-for gifts I hope you wait!

May Christmas cookies burn and chip,

And those that don't can burn your lip;

And let your Christmas cheer turn glum

As Christmas guests drink ALL your rum.

When Santa down your chimney drops

Why, half way down, I hope he stops,

And when he's stuck, I hope he shrieks

And decks your nerves for weeks and weeks,

And after Santa chars his ass

Find reindeer doodoo on your grass!

And then agreement I shall hear

That Christmas comes but once a year.

Copyright © 1976 by Patrick O’Hayer